South Park Truth or Dare
by whitemokona234
Summary: an innocent little game of truth or dare with our favorite SP characters... or maybe not-so-innocent at all! you decide! XD Ratings may change due to maturity of dares/truths
1. The Beginning

Crissy: *sits in room, looking at Style smut*

Cartman: Ey, bitch!

Crissy: Hubbawha? *turns around, sees Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny with very pissed looks; closes laptop* What's up?

Kyle: Mind telling us why we're here again?

Crissy: Oh~ That! Well, you're here for a game of truth or dare, silly!

Stan: Goddammit…

Crissy: Ey! Don't use no language like dat up in hea!

Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny: *stares at ghetto-black-girl side of Crissy*

Kenny: *muffled talking*

Crissy: … the hell he say?

Kyle: *rolls eyes* He says 'When can we start?'

Crissy: Oh, well, we start when peoples go and comment, sayin' wut dares they wanna see… You guys have the options of usin these characters!

Stan

Kyle

Cartman

Kenny

Wendy

Bebe

Butters

Tweek

Bradley

Craig

Christophe

Clyde

Gregory

Thomas

Ike

Pip

Damien

Token

Red/Rebecca

Heidi

And one parent that will randomly pop in depending on who demanded them first! :D

Cartman: I don't wanna play some faggeh girl's game!

Crissy: :T *stares* *uses author powers to make him*

Cartman: Goddammit!

Crissy: Remember! Comment what you want them to do! Thanks!


	2. The Yaoi Chronicles

Crissy: Okay, peoples, let's get started!

Wendy: Ugh, finally! I thought it'd never begin!

Crissy: Shut it, bitch, no one wuz talkin' to you!

Wendy: Uh! Stan?

Stan: Hey, we broke up, remember?

Wendy: Ugh!

Crissy: Whatever… Who'd like to go get the letters for me?

Everyone: …

Crissy: Somebody better get 'em, or I kill the first person I see, and I guarantee it ain't gonna be Kenny…

Everyone: O.o

Heidi: I-I'll go get them…

Crissy: Thank you, Heidi.

_**Couple minutes later…**_

*Heidi returns with five letter*

Crissy: Thank you! Alright, first letter is from _monica_. She writes…

_Please make a make out scene! (preferably style) :D ahaaahhah_

… Welp, sounds like a dare to me! And, since I'm the author I determine who it is and how long it is! So, Stan get in there wit Kyle and let's see some tongue action!

Kyle: *blushes*

Stan: Dude, what the fuck? I can't make out with my best friend!

Crissy: Sorry, it's a dare, you gotta do it!

Kyle: *blushes harder*

Stan: Fuck…

Crissy: *maniacal laugh* I love being the author.

*Stan and Kyle get up and stand in the middle of the room*

Kyle: S-so… how long does it… have to be…?

Crissy: Lemme see… since I am obviously a fan girl with nothin' better to do but fantasize about you two in particular… 30 seconds tops!

Stan: Dude!

Crissy: Do you want me to scar you for life _again_?

Stan: *shudders* No…

Crissy: Then let's get it!

*Stan sighs, Kyle looks nervous, I take out my digital camera; leans in slowly… slowly… slowly… slo-*

Kyle: Oh, to hell with this! *grabs Stan's shirt and smashes their lips together*

Stan: *blushes*

Crissy: *takes pictures* *w*

Wendy: Hey, what the hell?

Crissy: Somebody tie her up until she gets something, please…

Wendy: What?

Bebe: Sorry, Wendy, but this is kinda hot~ *takes rope and ties up her friend. She and Heidi throw her in closet then close the door.*

*10 seconds in, Stan and Kyle are really into it, tongues down each other's throats, hands just about everywhere*

Cartman: ch. Knew they were a bunch-a fags…

Crissy: I've got enough pictures to last me the next few months!

Butters: *looks longingly at Kenny*

_**20 seconds later…**_

Crissy: *sigh* Alright you guys, the 30 seconds are done.

Stan and Kyle: *continue to kiss*

Cartman: Quit wit da faggeh shit!

Kyle: *pulls away with super huge blush then goes to sit down*

Stan: *looks a bit confused, then goes to sit down himself*

Crissy: *w* Alright, time for the next letter! This one is from _The Secret's Lie_. They write…

_yeah seen a lot of thease but what the her here's some stuff_

_stan-dare-read 1 whole style smut story without puking truth-do you secretly get off on style smut?_

_kyle-dare-eat a whole banana truth-did you enjoy drinking pee?_

_cartman-dare-play pocker face but let kenny sing the words truth-why are you a racist asshole?_

_kenny-dare-fuck a taco truth-do you want to fuck a taco?_

_hope there useful_

Crissy: Well, aren't these some interesting ones?

Stan: No! What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Crissy: … :T Anyway, Stan, you do your dare first since you _obviously _have the biggest problem with it.

Stan: That doesn't even make sense!

Crissy: Well, whatever, I'm the author here, not you~

Stan: Fuck!

Crissy: Look, I'll even make it easy on you. Answer the truth first, and then read the smut.

Stan: …

Crissy: So? Do you get off on peoples writing about you and Kylie fucking?

Kyle: *blush that'd put tomatoes to shame*

Stan: …

Crissy: :T

Stan: :T

Crissy: :T

Stan: :T

Cartman: Can someone please ansuh the fuckin' quesjuhn?

Stan: Uh… no?

Crissy: *cough*Bullshit!*cough*

Stan: I don't!

Crissy: Oh, Stanny, Stanny, Stanny… Must I bring up the time you were looking through some of the fanfiction that I wrote about you two? And it seems you were sporting _quite the problem~_

Everyone but Stan: Ooh~

Stan: *angry, blushing* Can I just get to the dare, please?

Crissy: Oh, sure. It should still be on the smut I was reading before you interrupted meh ertier…

Kyle: *sigh*

Stan: *sits down and opens laptop, scrolls to top of page and starts reading*

Crissy: Okay, now that's out of the way, let's get to Kylie's dare~

Kyle: Dammit, my name's Kyle!

Crissy: Whatever. Here, just eat the banana.

Kyle: But I don't wanna!

Crissy: You will eat this damn thing if I have to shove it down your throat!

Kyle: *da fuck? face*

Crissy: *grabs banana from table and stalks toward Kyle with menacing grin*

Kyle: Fine, fine! Gimme the damn thing…

Crissy: *grins in triumph, hands banana* Enjoy, Kylie~!

Kyle: *takes his sweet ass time to peel banana, slowly puts tip in his mouth*

Crissy: I fucking love these letters…

Kyle: *eats first bite, scowls a little, then continues to eat until all gone* There… are you happy now?

Crissy: No, not really.

Kyle: Why the fuck not?

Stan: *mumbles* Dude, that's so fucking hot…

Crissy: Cuz, you ain't answer the truth yet. Did you enjoy drinking pee?

Kyle: Ugh, don't remind of that! That was the worst thing I'd ever been forced to do in any misadventure we'd had when we were younger!

Crissy: Come now, Kylie, we're all teenagers here. I'm sure there must've been something worse than having to drink pee.

Kyle: No!

Crissy: … Okay, Cartman's turn!

Cartman: Shit!

Crissy: Shut it, fatty and do the fuckin' dare!

Cartman: Ugh! Fine! *takes out MP3 player and hooks it to the stereo; puts on instrumental for Poker Face* Here, Kenny, take the damn mike…

Kenny: *gets up and takes mike; begins to sing muffled words that I cannot understand*

Cartman: Remind me to kill you later for fuckin' up that song, Kenneh…

Kenny: *muffled words*

Crissy: The hell he say?

Kyle: He said fuck you.

Crissy: Haha!

Cartman: Fuck you, bitch!

Crissy: Which reminds me of your truth. Why are you a racist asshole?

Cartman: … What da fuck does 'rasist' mean?

Kyle: 'Racist' you dumb fatass.

Cartman: Ey, don't call me fat ya fuckin' Jew!

Crissy: Do you even know why you're a racist asshole?

Cartman: … da fuck does 'racist' mean?

Crissy: … Dumbass… Racist means you have a problem with peoples of color. In your case, you're racist against… basically me, Token, and all the Mexican janitors you see everywhere. But mostly me and Token, since we're the only black people you see everyday.

Token: Yeah, and I'm getting tired of it.

Cartman: Bring it, spear-chuckah!

Token: Dammit you fatass! *lunges at Cartman*

Clyde: *keeps him back* It's not worth it, Token! It's not worth it!

Token: *huffs, sits down, takes deep breaths* Crissy, how are you not offended by that?

Crissy: Cuz, it's Cartman. I expect racist bullshit to come from him.

Token: Good point.

Cartman: Anyway, if that's wut dat me-ans, it's cuz you minoritahs need at be put in ya place!

Crissy: :T

Token: *angry blank face*

Cartman: *angry blank face*

Crissy: I rest my case. Kenny, it's your turn. Anyone have a taco he can fuck?

Kenny: *muffles words, pulls out a taco*

Crissy: O.O I'm just gonna assume you said, "I already have one" Now, before you fuck the taco, were you already planning on fucking it before?

Kenny: *shrugs shoulders, muffles more words*

Crissy: *turns to Kyle for translation*

Kyle: He says he never thought about it before.

Crissy: … Alright, well, go in the kitchen and fuck it. I love tacos, and don't feel comfortable watching you fuck one.

Kenny: *muffled words, leaves to go into kitchen*

Butters: *stares longingly after Kenny*

Crissy: And now, we wait…

_**About ten minutes later…**_

Kenny: *comes back in room with a broken taco*

Crissy: … Yeah, you can jus… throw that away at the end of this round…

Kenny: *nods*

Crissy:… Next letter! This one's from _Ariadne'sString_. She writes…

_Omg I totally dare Kenny to take off his hood. Bwahahahahha._

Crissy: Well, this is an easy one! Go ahead, Kenny, take it off!

Kenny: *shakes head*

Crissy:… Why the fuck not?

Kyle: Kenny doesn't like to take off his hood. It… causes things to happen.

Crissy: Well, I don't give a fuck if it causes a goddamn apocalypse! He's taking it off!

Kenny: *shakes head harder*

Crissy: *w* *uses author powers to force it off*

All girls in the room + Butters: … OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SO SEXAH!

Everyone: *stares at Butters*

Butters: *laughs sheepishly*

Kenny: Can I put my hood back on?

Crissy: Mmn~ nope!

Kenny: Why not?

Crissy: Cuz I'm the goddamn author, dat's why! Now, the next letter! Ooh! This one's from _Debraaaa _and it says…

_O.o interesting…_

_Well, no one can resist a little bit of Style and Bunny : )_

_Please?_

…_nO?_

_AYYY! RESECT MY AUTHORATAHHHHHH!_

_Thankyou C:_

Totally fucking love you! Stan! Get back in hea!

Stan: Hubbawha? *turns around with massive nosebleed and unmistakable boner*

Crissy: *grins like mad* We need you for another dare! You can finish that when you're done with this!

Stan: *bites down a groan, gets up walks awkwardly (due to boner) over to the circle again* What?

Crissy: Kyle, Kenny, Butters, you guys get up there too!

Stan: Whoa, whoa, wait! What kind of dare is this?

Crissy: Don't worry, it's not a foursome, you and your dirty mind. It's a dare. You have to do something with Kyle and Kenny has to do something with Butters. And I decide what that something is!

Kyle: Shit!

Stan: Fuck!

Kenny: Sweet.

Butters: *blushes cutely*

Crissy: Let's see… The two couples in questions will follow this procedure. Kenny and Stan, aka the boys who're toppin', will go in a closet and play 7 Minutes in Heaven. Whatever happens in the dark shall be told to us when they come out.

Kenny: Sweet.

Stan: *pinches bridge of his nose*

Crissy: Just make sure you avoid Wendy's closet. She might go all Tasmanian Devil on our asses…

Kenny: *grabs Butters' hand and runs upstairs to my parents room*

Stan: *takes Kyle's hand, shrugs and leads him to the closet upstairs in my room*

Crissy: Now we wait again.

_**7 minutes later…**_

Crissy: Alright so, I'mma go get them, and I'm taking my camera wit meh…

_**About 5 minutes later…**_

Crissy: *comes back with blood dripping from nose and splattered all over clothes*

Kenny and Stan: *comes back with smug smirk*

Butters: *comes back with messed up hair and clothes, shaky legs, and pleasurable smile on face*

Kyle: *comes back with airy smile and no hat*

Bebe: *has nosebleed of her own*

Cartman: Bunch-a fags…

Crissy: *clears throat* Now, Stanny, you can go back to jacking off with the smut you were reading ertier…

Stan: Oh, I'd finished it. I just read it over a bunch of times.

Crissy: Oh… then on to the next letter! The last one is from… _Crenny_! Ooh~ this'll be good! It says~

_AAAAA_

_omgyes. I never see fics like this for South Park bro. :C SO YEAH, MAKE CRAIG AND KENNY DO SOMETHING REALLY SEXY FOR ME. KTHNX I MEAN, LIKE ANYTHING AT ALL. AND THEY HAVE TO WEAR BUNNY EARS WHILE THEY DO IT LOL._

… Oh yeah, this'll be awesome. *snaps finger; Craig and Kenny sprout bunny ears*

Craig: Get these shits off my head.

Crissy: Sorry, Craig. They don't come off until you do the dare. And the sexiness shall be-! *snaps finger again; Craig and Kenny are in boxers and a pool full of oil pops up* oil wrestling!

Craig: Fuck you. *flips me off*

Crissy: Yes, yes, that's very nice, now get to wrestling.

Kenny: *glances back at Butters* C'mon Craig. Let's just get this over with and be done for the day.

Craig: *groans*

*the two jump into the oil and begin wrestling. Girls wolf whistle and throw money, boys either watch in awe or look away in disgust; when they get out, both boys are glistening and oily*

Kenny: There, done.

Craig: And take your goddamn money back!

Crissy: *w* Best letters ever.

Remember~! Comment what you want'em to do!


	3. Rating Changed to M for Fuck

Crissy: Okay, let's start round two of our game~!

Bebe: Where's Wendy?

Crissy: Remember? We put her in the closet cuz he wouldn't shut the hell up.

Bebe: Oh yeah…

Crissy: :T … Alright, someone get the mail!

Butters: I'll get it!

Crissy: Thank you, Butters!

Butters: *runs off to go get the letters; comes back few seconds later with four letters*

Crissy: Alright, let's take a looksie… The first one is from _Mrs. FizzyIngleTweakMcCormick_, ooh, interesting name, and it says…

_Hehe make cartman do some faggy stuff with either butters or kyle!_

I love you guys…

Cartman: Fuck you and… whatever da fuck you jus said! I'm not doin no faggeh shit wit da fag troop ova dar!

Kyle: Fuck you, fatass!

Cartman: Who was talkin at you fag?

Kyle: Goddammit, fatass, I'll-!

Crissy: And just for that display of rage, _Eric_, you shall be doing a faggy thing wit Butters here.

Cartman: No! No, anyone but him!

Crissy: You should've thought o' dat before you called Kylie a fag.

Cartman: But-

Butters: C'mon, E-Eric… I'm not that bad, a-am I?

Cartman: …

Crissy: *snaps my fingers; Butters and Cartman are now wearing skimpy Hello Kitty PJ's* Ooh~ Good thing Cartman got all muscley or else this would've just been disgusting…

Cartman: Goddammit get meh outta dis rite nah!

Crissy: Sorry, the dare was to do something faggy with either Kyle or Butters. And to me, Butters and his obsession with Hello Kitty is the faggiest you can get. No offence Butters.

Butters: I-it's okay. I-I wear these PJ's a-all the time!

Crissy: I know you do Butters, and unlike Cartman, you look so fucking adorable right now. Don't you think, Kenny?

Kenny: *stares at Butters ass*

Crissy: I'll take that as a yes.

Butters: *giggles*

Crissy: Oh yeah, and just to top it off-! *snaps fingers; both boys are holding giant Hello Kitty plushies*

Cartman: Goddammit!

Crissy: Stuff it, shit face. Now, on to letter number two… Ooh~ another from _Debraaaa_! She writes~

_O.o oooooooooo_

_Love it XD_

_Any more chapeters on their way, would love some some Stylenny action next time ;)_

Ooh~ threesome-age! Let's get it!

Stan: W-wait, so I have to _share _this time?

Crissy: Aw~ you don't have a problem wit dat, do you _Stanny_~?

Stan: …

Kenny: Don't worry, I won't do too much.

Crissy: Like hell you won't! *uses author powers to make a Stylenny sandwich*

Kyle: Wh-what the hell?

Stan: Where the fuck are my clothes?

Kenny: Why do I have a boner?

Crissy: Now, let the sexing begin~

*against their wills, Stan starts fucking Kyle while Kenny sucks him off and Kyle gives Kenny a handjob; everyone in the room gains a nosebleed; clothes are returned and weird looks are given when all three come hard*

Crissy: *wipes nosebleed away, gulps down breaths of air and puts away digital camera* Ooh~ yeah… that was awesome…

Bebe: You said it…

Heidi: Can they do it again?

Crissy: Maybe… maybe…

Kyle: J-just get to th-the next dare please…

Crissy: Alright, Kylie… just for you, here's the next letter… it's from _The Truth's Lie._

_I want creek! Rabble, rabble, rabble! I dare Tweek to go learn kung fu like the karate kid and come back all bad ass and stuff and kick cartmans ass. _

_Then I dare him and Christophe to make out while Gregory and Craig has to admit her boyfriend is a homo. *leans back in therapist chair* How does that make you feel? TOO BAD NOBODY CARES MUAH HAHAHAHA..._

_Then the kids have to re ennact Mean Girls_

Ooh! Mean Girls! I loved that movie!

Tweek: JESUS! Why me? *does a whole lot of spazzing, then drinks some coffee*

Crissy: Oh c'mon Tweekers! It's not gonna be dat bad~! Craig loves you! Don't you, Craig?

Craig: *flips me off*

Crissy: Oh, please. Like dat scares me anymore. Just get up and do what I say fo' da fans~

Craig: *sighs; gets up and stands in the middle of the room*

Tweek: *blushes, twitches, goes to stand beside Craig*

Craig: So, what're we doing again?

Crissy: Well, she said she wanted creek. So… you have to _romantically _kiss Tweek on da lips full-on for 30 seconds! No backing down!

Craig: Fuck…

Tweek: GEH!

Crissy: Alright Craig. Jus swing lil Tweek into your arms and smooch him like ya see on TV!

Craig: *takes one look at Tweek*

Tweek: *blushing hard; 'GEH!'-ing every 5 seconds*

Craig: *shrugs, swings Tweek around and kisses him fully on the lips*

Bebe: Woo! Get some!

Tweek: *blushes harder*

Crissy: *takes some serious photo-age*

_**30 seconds later…**_

Crissy: And~ time! Alright Craig, you and Tweek can stop shoving your tongues down each other's throats now.

Craig: *unhooks his hands from around Tweek's waist*

Tweek: *as he stands up, unhooks his arms from around Craig's neck*

Crissy: Now, see? Was that so bad?

Craig: No, not at all.

Tweek: *giggle*

Crissy: Now, Tweek, pack your bags, you're gonna become the karate kid.

Tweek: GAH! But I don't- GEH!- wanna!

Crissy: Sorry, dude, it's a dare. As much as I'd hate to send you away, you have to go become the karate kid so you can come back and kick Cartman's ass. And I wanna see dat so bad!

Tweek: JESUS! Fine… *goes to pack bags; goes outside with bags to find a cab already there; puts bags in trunk and gets in cab to go train*

Crissy: …

_**Half an hour later…**_

Crissy: Y'know, I jus realized… this gone take a long time fo' him at get back hea…

Kyle: Oh, gee, ya think?

Crissy: *glare*

Kyle: Okay… geez…

Crissy: I'm using time travel powers to speed this up. So… everyone grab onta somethin~

Everyone: *grabs onto something in room*

Crissy: *snaps fingers; rooms twists, turns, and shakes; all stops about 3 months into da future~*

Tweek: *pops up in the door with a robe and championship belt*

Crissy: Oh, hey Tweekers~! So, how'd your training go?

Tweek: Great! I've never felt so- GAH!- awesome!

Crissy: Alright den, kick Cartman's ass now.

Tweek: *fire in eyes* With pleasure. *cracks knuckles and stalks upon Cartman*

Cartman: Holeh shit monkehs…

*Tweek totes fucks Cartman up; when he's done, Cartman's black and blue in several places and has a bloody nose*

Tweek: One more thing… *kicks Cartman in da nuts*

Cartman: Fuck! *grabs his nuts in pain* I cain't have childrens no mo'…

Kyle: Thank God…

Crissy: Yes, thank God… Now, let's see… Tweekers, sweetie, you have to do one more thing~! You and Christophe ova der have to make out while Gregory and Craig ova hea watch.

Tweek: *looks over at Christophe*

Christophe: *looks over at Tweek*

Crissy: You will do it for the sake of both your sanities…

Tweek and Christophe: *shudder; go to stand in the middle of the room*

Crissy: Alright, and Craig and Gregory, you two need a nice place to watch dem, so… switch places with Bebe and Heidi.

*Craig takes Bebe's place; Gregory takes Heidi's place*

Tweek: S-so… how long- GAH!- are we s-supposed to… t-to…

Crissy: Don't worry. You guys won't be doing for too long. Or maybe you will. I don't know, cuz it's Craig and Gregory's decision when you stop.

Tweek: *still looks a bit scared*

Christophe: *shrugs; grabs Tweek and mashes their lips together*

Crissy: *takes pictures*

Tweek: *surprised at first; gradually starts to close his eyes and kiss back*

Christophe: *thrusts his tongue into Tweek's mouth*

Craig: *gains unmistakable boner*

Gregory: *blushes and gains unmistakable boner*

_**About 30 seconds later…**_

*Christophe is on top of Tweek on the floor, shoving his tongue down his throat; Tweek is moaning and groaning but not twitching; Gregory and Craig have jizzed their pants*

Crissy: *takes bucket load of pictures*

Craig and Gregory: *stand up and clear their throats*

Craig: We want them to stop now.

Gregory: Y-yeah…

Crissy: Dammit… fine… *takes out blow-horn and pushes tiny button*

Tweek: *breaks away* GEH! WHAT WAS THAT? WAS IT THE GNOMES? GAH!

Crissy: Calm down, it wasn't the gnomes. That was my blow-horn. Craig and Gregory hea want you two to stop sucking each other's faces off now.

Christophe: Hn… That so? *smirks; helps Tweek up*

Tweek: Th-thank you…

Crissy: Now that that's ova, it's time for Wendy to do her dare! Someone get her she-devil ass out hea!

Bebe: I'm on it! *bounces to closet; comes back with a thrashing, very pissed off Wendy*

Crissy: …You know, on second thought, don't untie her… jus… y'know… take the tape off her mouth so she can do the dare thingie…

Heidi: Right. *walks over to Wendy and mercilessly tears duct tape from her mouth*

Wendy: FUCK! HEIDI? BEBE?

Bebe: Ugh… you're so whiny…

Heidi: Yeah…

Red: That's why I left the group…

Crissy: Anyway~, Wendy, you got a dare.

Wendy: Does it involve Stan?

Crissy: Uh-huh.

Wendy: Ooh! What does it say?

Crissy: *w* You have to admit he's a homo.

Wendy: … But he's not. He's in love with me.

Crissy: …Excuse me, did I miss a P.A. meeting? Who the fuck lied to you?

Wendy: What do you mean?

Crissy: Did you not just see him last chapter macking on Kyle? And ertier in dis chapter when he was fucking him?

Wendy: *turns to glare at Stan* You WHAT?

Stan: We broke up, you she-harpy bitch!

Wendy: Fuck you, you… you… FAG!

Crissy: You admitted it! So we're moving on to the last one, which also shall involve you. But, since Mean Girls is such a long movie and I gots a deadline, we'll only re-enact one of my favorite scenes and twist so dat I like even moar…

Kyle: How will we do that?

Crissy: *grins; snaps fingers; Kyle is playing as Cady; Wendy is playing as Regina; everyone else is watching as Wendy bitches to Kyle*

Wendy (Regina): Everyone just says that you're a less hot version of me! So you can take Aaron and your smug attitude and shove it up yo- *gets hit by a bus*

Kyle (Cady): *stares at bus; looks down at his hands* … Yeah, that's what you get, bitch! And I _will _take Aaron now that you've freed him up!

Stan (Aaron): *comes out and he and 'Cady' make out*

Crissy: *snaps fingers and everyone's back in South Park* There we go!

Kyle: Any reason why I had to be wearing a skirt during that?

Crissy: It was Mean _Girls_. It only made since that you wore a skirt.

Kyle: Bu-

Crissy: Moving on! Next letter is… another from _Crenny_! Yay! Okay, _Crenny _says…

_LMAO. YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT BY SEXY ;w;_

_ sorrycaps. but yes, I love this already! It's funny and entertaining and fhsdhjsjfsjdf i love the coupleessss eeee!_

_/obviously can't review normally LOL_

_BUT YEAH ANYWAY_

_Craig; truth - Do you have a stick up your butt? You're always all "B(" and it's not cool bro. Not cool at all. PLEASE FLICK ME OFF, FULFILL MY FANGIRL-ISH DREAMS LOOOOOOL. xD_

… Now, before we get to dat, let's bring _Crenny _up on the screen, shall we? *snaps fingers; _Crenny _appears on screen that came out of nowhere* Hi _Crenny_!

_Crenny_: Hey!

Crissy: Hehe… now, Craig, answer her question!

Craig: No, I don't have a stick up my ass. *flips her off*

_Crenny_: Ooh~! Yay! You did it! You flipped me off!

Crissy: Yeah… I was excited when he did dat to me too…

Craig: Crazy bitches…

Crissy: Welp, dat's da end of dis round. And for other people who wrote dares, lemme jus say. I'll only write 4-5 letters per chappie, so… gimme time, m'kay?


	4. Things May Have Gotten Weirder

Crissy: Wow! So many letters!

Kyle: We're not doing them all, are we?

Crissy: Oh no, no. I'm not gonna work dat hard. We'll do five letters for dis one.

Kyle: Thank God…

Stan: Don't thank him yet…

Crissy: Now, onto da first letter! Let's see, this is from _bb_… hm, okay, and _bb _writes…

_YOU SHOULD HAVE WENDY KILL HERSELF KTHXBYE._

… Once again, I say I totally fucking love you guys…

Bebe: So… do I go get Wendy from the closet?

Crissy: Yeah. And you can untie her this time. I think I gots my author powers ready for her.

Bebe: Alright. C'mon Heidi.

*Bebe and Heidi go to get Wendy from the closet; there is a loud screech and Wendy comes back with fire in her eyes*

Wendy: You son of a-!

Crissy: Yay! Wendy's here! You got a dare!

Wendy: Ooh~! Really?

Stan: *whispers to Kyle* Bipolar bitch…

Kyle: *giggles quietly*

Crissy: Uh-huh!

Wendy: Well, what is it?

Crissy: You have to kill yourself!

Wendy: … _WHAT?_

Crissy: I know, right? It's a dream come true for everyone! Except you…

Wendy: I'm not gonna kill myself for you people's sick entertainment!

Crissy: Whoa, whoa, whoa… What do you mean _you people_?

Wendy: I mean you crazy fan girls that want me out the way so Kyle can have my boyfriend! _MY BOYFRIEND!_

Stan: Ex-boyfriend.

Wendy: Whatever!

Crissy: … :T… if you're done with your bitchin'… get to the suicide…

Wendy: I refuse!

Crissy: *w* *uses author powers to force Wendy to grab a knife and thrust it through her heart*

Wendy: *screeches and explodes in a burst of fire*

Heidi: Aha! I knew she was a demon!

Damien: Wouldn't that be obvious? She shrieks just like one all the time.

Everyone: True, true…

Crissy: Wow, Damien. You're voice sounds so much better compared to your embarrassing little girl's voice you had in fourth grade. Or was it third?

Kyle: It was-

Crissy: Oh well, it's not important, on to da nex dare! Let's see… *snigger* Th-this is from… *sniggers more* f-f-from _my name is penis LMFAO_…

Cartman: Fuckin' faggeh jokes…

Crissy: *coughs to stop sniggering* and he says…

_I dare Clyde and Butters to go to the zoo and Clyde has to tell Butter not to cry and then Craig has to suck my fat penor also kyle why are you a titty tease? :(_

*bursts out laughing for about 2 minutes, then comes back up for air* Alright, so I'mma get my camera and then we'll get to the zoo for Clyde and Butters dare…

_**Some time later…**_

Crissy: Alright, let's go! *snaps fingers and everyone ends up at the zoo… except Wendy, cuz she dead; instantly, Butters starts crying really loud, making people stare*

Butters: *bawling*

Clyde: Jesus, Butters, why are you crying?

Butters: *still bawling*

Clyde: C'mon Butters… d-don't cry… *starts awkwardly patting Butters back*

Kenny: *growls that he can't make Butters stop crying*

Crissy: C'mon, Clyde, you can do betta den dat! How you expect to get a nice girl, or guy if ya roll dat way, if ya can't get Buttercup hea ta quit cryin'?

Clyde: *groans; takes a small look at everyone before he pours his heart and soul into what he says* C'mon, baby Buttercup, the zoo's not that bad…

Butters: *sniffles* I-it's not…?

Clyde: No. C'mon, look around, baby. There's all these cool types of cool animals and games to play…

Butters: *takes a look around*

Crissy: *sniggers; keeps recording scene with camera*

Kenny: *still pretty pissed off about Clyde calling Butters baby*

Butters: O-okay… I-I guess I can… try to have fun…

Clyde: That's my boy…

Crissy: And done! *snaps fingers, everyone's back at my house* That's the end of dat dare! Okay, Craig, now you have to do your dare.

Craig: Fuck you and this faggy sounding dude. I'm not sucking anything.

Crissy: Oh what, Craig, you too much of a pussy to do it or something?

Craig: Excuse me?

Crissy: You heard me, ya wimp. What? You too prissy to do something as much as suck a dick? He didn't say you had to swallow. He said you had to suck.

Craig: Fuck you. *flips me off for added effect*

Crissy: Mm-hm… *snaps fingers and _my name is penis LMFAO _pops up in the room* Alright, Mr. Penis… *sniggers* pull down your pants and let Craigy-poo get started.

Craig: Fuck you, you crazy bitch, I'm not doing it.

Crissy: *grins; snaps fingers and Craig instantly goes into uke mode* Now, _what _are you gonna do, Craig?

Craig: I-I'm… going t-to… be a good boy…

Crissy: *grins* That's right. Now, get on your knees and start sucking.

Craig: *nods hesitantly; gets on his knees and starts to crawl over to Mr. Penis; hesitantly takes his cock in his mouth*

Mr. Penis: Oh yeah~

Crissy: Don't get carried away. I'll break it once you're close enough. But you're not allowed to jizz in his mouth.

Mr. Penis: Shit…

Kenny: Wow, I've never seen Craig like this before.

Crissy: All of you could be like this. You just have to let your inner pussy-ness out.

Stan: I don't think any of us would do that willingly.

Crissy: Exactly.

_**About 2 minutes later…**_

Crissy: Alright, Mr. Penis, it looks like you're pretty close to jazzing der, so I'm taking the spell off. *snaps fingers*

Craig: *looks confused for a moment; looks down; screams and back away spitting out whatever could be in his mouth* You bitch!

Crissy: Uh-huh, yeah. I told you you'd do it, didn't I?

Craig: You-!

Crissy: Anyway! Thank you Mr. Penis! Maybe we'll see you another time! *snaps fingers and _my name is penis LMFAO _disappears* Now, Kyle, onto your truth. Why _are _you a titty tease?

Kyle: What kind of bullshit is that?

Crissy: Answer da _goddamn _question!

Kyle: I don't know how to answer it!

Crissy:… Okay, so we'll come back to dat. Nex letter is from _Pinkvampireheroine93 _and she writes…

_XD_

_Damien-KILL MECHA STREISAND FOR KILLING MY BELOVED PIP!_

_Sheila Broflovski-let's see, you tanted a war over you son watching an R ratede movie, so what to do with you? Oooh! Watch inappropriet humor for 24 hours straight! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

Yeah, Damien! Kill that giant, metal son of a bitch!

Damien: *smirk* With pleasure.

Pip: O-oh, but Damien…

Damien: What's the problem, Frenchie?

Pip: *glares* First, I'm not French, you bastard, I'm British and proud of it. Second, you don't need to kill Mecha Streisand. No one does. It's quite alright.

Damien: No one tells me what to do, Pippers. Just for that, I'm killing her anyway. *jumps out the window before Pip has a chance to protest*

Pip: *blushes at the thought of someone trying to protect him*

Crissy: :T

Kyle: Well? Aren't you gonna follow him and watch him kill Mecha Streisand?

Crissy: Meh. I don't need to. I attached a tiny camera to his turtleneck before he jumped out my _now broken _window. Of which, that son of a bitch is gonna pay for.

Token: Don't worry, Crissy. I'll pay for it for you.

Crissy: *blush* Th-thank you, Token…

Cartman: Aw. The spear-chuckahs are havin' a moment.

Token: Goddammit! *jumps Cartman and starts beating the shit out of him before Clyde has a chance to stop him*

Crissy: *sighs and watches*

_**15 minutes later…**_

*Token is done beating the shit out of Cartman; Damien has returned with a lot of oil covering his clothes*

Crissy: Alright, now that that's done… we need Sheila.

Kyle: I swear to God, if I get grounded for you people making my mom watch inappropriate humor for 24 hours…

Crissy: Don't worry. I have an expert way to get her to do it without getting you in trouble. Remember that video I showed you guys? The one that actually lasted about 24 hours? It was the one about that guy who was tryin' to fuck dat Hispanic girl, but she wuz all like 'Boy, I ain't sleepin' wit'chu.' So he went around tryin' to prove to her he was bed worthy?

Token: Oh, yeah! I remember dat! The one where there was dat one part when he walked up to that super fat lady and wuz like 'Whoa, bitch, da fuck you been eatin'?'

Crissy: Exactly!

*Crissy and Token laugh at… something for about twenty minutes, then it dies down and everyone else answers*

Kenny, Kyle, Clyde, Cartman, Bebe, and Heidi: Yeah, I remember that now.

Stan, Gregory, Christophe, Tweek, Bradley, and Butters: Sort of…

Pip: N-no, not really…

Cartman: Dat's cuz you weren't invited Frenchie…

Crissy: Yes, he was…

Pip: Damn you, Eric, I'm not French! I hate Frenchies!

Everyone: O.O Pip…

Pip: What? I've gotten older, right-o, and I may still be as quiet as before… b-but I can stand up for myself…

Crissy: Okay, den… Now, about da video. I still have it and Sheila can watch it.

Kyle: Please. You'll never get my mom to watch something like that willingly.

Crissy: *w* Watch me. *snaps fingers and everyone pops up in front of Kyle's house, but Crissy is standing at the front door with the video and everyone else is hiding* *knocks on the door*

Sheila: *opens door* Oh, hello, Crissy. What brings you here? I thought Kyle was at your house.

Crissy: He is, Mrs. Broflovski. I just wanted to ask you something I thought may be important since you care about him so much.

Sheila: Well, that was very thoughtful of you, Crissy. What could it be?

Crissy: Could you please… watch this video for me? *hands video to Sheila*

Sheila: *eyes video warily* Any particular reason why?

Crissy: I wanted to make sure you approved of this before I showed I to him so you'd be okay with it.

Sheila: *smiles* Thank you so much for taking that into consideration, Crissy. I'll get started on it right away.

Crissy: *smiles back* You're welcome, Mrs. Broflovski. *waits until Sheila goes back into her house then snaps fingers and everyone's back at my house again*

Kyle: Wow… I never thought you'd be able to do that. But how will we know if she's watching it?

Crissy: I planted cameras in all your houses, Kylie dear. I sees everything.

Everyone: WHAT?

Crissy: Oh, don't worry. When you guys start dressing or taking baths or something I turn off the monitor. *opens computer and opens up camera in Kyle's house* There she goes, putting the video in the VCR.

Kyle: Oh, God…

Crissy: Now, she's watching the first scene.

Token: The one where he's fucking some 16-year-old?

Crissy: Yeah. And your mom looks pretty engulfed in it.

Kyle: Shit…

Crissy: Well, we'll just keep this open for 24 hours so dat we know she'll still be watching it.

Everyone: Okay.

Crissy: Now, we go on to da 4th letter… Aw! It's from my younger sister!

Red: Thank you! Now, we might actually get a normal request!

Crissy: Uh… no. She's just as weird as I am… and hers says…

_i dare stan,kyle,cartman and kenny to make out for an hour!_

… Wow, I think she went a bit over board with that…

Kyle: Oh, gee, ya think? I refuse to make out with Stan, Kenny and Cartman all at the same time!

Crissy: Oh, please. That's not what she meant. What she meant was, she wants you and Stanny to make out and Kenny and Cartman to-

Kenny: Fuck it, I'm dropping out of this round!

Crissy: Aw! Why?

Kenny: I refuse to make out with fatass here!

Cartman: I don't wanna kiss you either Kenneh!

Crissy: Um, did I ask you whether or not you wanted to? I didn't think so! Now, you will do it. And if you don't, I'll make sure my scarring is so bad, you won't even be able to get enough therapy to even seal it away…

Everyone: O.O

Token: Why was that strangely kinda hot?

Kenny: When you find an answer for that, please tell me, cuz I'm at a loss too.

Crissy: Thank you.

*Kenny and Cartman begrudgingly get up and go to stand in the middle of the room; Stan takes a giggling Kyle's hand and leads him to the center of the room*

Crissy: Now, let the hour begin!

*Stan and Kyle already have each other's tongues down each other's throats; Kenny and Cartman are having a hard time*

_**An hour later…**_

*Kenny and Cartman are still having somewhat of a hard time adjusting to tasting poor/fatness; Stan and Kyle are close to having sex on the floor… again*

Crissy: You guys, your hour is over.

Cartman: Oh, thank God!

Kenny: *goes to the bathroom to use mouthwash*

Kyle and Stan: *still making out on the floor*

Crissy: Okay, then. *snaps fingers; a spray-bottle of water pops up into my hand; starts spraying the two with water*

Kyle: Ah! Cold! Cold!

Stan: What the fuck, dude?

Crissy: I said da goddamn hour was up, and your still sexing on da floor! Not dat I mind dat, but still!

Stan: *sighs, puts back on his pants; helps Kyle up*

Kyle: *puts back on his clothes; gladly takes Stan's hand*

Crissy: There, dat's better. Now, onto da nex letta, which is from _koddie199_. She writes…

_omg this was so funny and sexy! okay onto my dares!_

_Damien: dare you to make out with pip!Tweek: is it true that you look at creek when your alone?_

_Craig: dare ya to glomp tweekers!_

_and finally!_

_Christophe: truth- have you killed a giraffe to know what it sounds like when its dying? dare- grope gregory XD_

_well I shall send more in later BUH-BYE!_

Well, aren't these jus lovely?

Craig: *growls*

Crissy: :T Okay den… Damien, Pippers~ Get up hea~! *waits until both Pip and Damien are in the middle of the room* Now, please go on wit da face suckings, thank you!

Pip: W-wait! I-I don't want him to h-hurt me… *blushes*

Damien: Just because I have a forked tongue doesn't mean it'll hurt.

Crissy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. TMI, dude.

Kenny: Yeah. Still, I find it kinda hot.

Damien: Back up, McCormick.

Kenny: *shrugs*

Crissy: :T

Pip: …Sh-shall we… get started then?

Crissy: Yeah… cuz all dis is getting creepy.

Pip: *stares at Damien*

Damien: *shrugs and pulls Pip into a kiss*

Pip: *surprised at first; gradually starts to kiss back; opens his mouth*

Damien: *smiles; sticks his forked tongue into Pip's mouth*

Kyle: *whispers to me* So… when do they stop?

Crissy: Once Damien starts sticking his hands in places where they don't belong… yet.

Kyle: Ah…

_**About 45 seconds later…**_

Damien: *starts groping Pip*

Crissy: Alright, Damien, you and Pip gotta stop now.

*Damien and Pip keep going*

Crissy: *grabs water bottle; starts to spray at couple*

Damien: GAH! IT BURNS!

Pip: D-Damien! Oh, dear, are you alright?

Damien: SHIT!

Pip: I'll take that as a no then.

Crissy: *looks at bottle* Oops… Sorry, Damien. This is holy water…

Damien: FUCK!

Crissy: … Okay, so, while Damien is recovering from this Holy Water incident, let's move on to Tweek.

Tweek: OH GOD! ACK!

Crissy: Do you look at Creek when I leave you here alone Tweekers?

Tweek: Um…

Crissy: *pulls underwear gnome out of my pocket*

Underwear Gnome: GOD! IT WAS HORRIBLE IN THERE! ALL I COULD SEE WAS GAYYYYYYYYYY!

Crissy: Hm, really? I thought der was a dragon in der too… aw well.

Tweek: ACK! UNDERWEAR GNOME! OKAY, OKAY I ADMIT IT! I DO I DO! JUST GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME! NYAH!

Crissy: *smiles; puts underwear gnome back in my pocket*

Underwear Gnome: Goddammi-!

Crissy: Shh! You'll ruin the rest of this round!

Craig: *smirks at Tweek*

Tweek: GEH!

Crissy: Craigy-poo~

Craig: *growls*

Crissy: Oh shut up. Jus glomp Tweekers hea and yo participation won't be needed no mo.

Craig: *smirks again; glomps Tweek without question and instantly begins to smex him up*

Tweek: *no twitching; a whole lot of moaning and chanting of 'Craig'*

Crissy: *w* *takes picture; clears throat* Alright, last but not least, Christophe has to do his truth and dare. So, Mole-y, you ever killed a giraffe b-fo?

Christophe: Well, when I perform ze meesions, eet requires a lot of preparation of unexpectid requests and-

Crissy: Did ya kill one or not? Gosh!

Christophe: *growls* Yes. I deed keel a giraffe. Fairly easy, too.

Crissy: Thank you. Now, you have permission to grope Gregory.

Gregory: What?

Christophe: *smirks; instantly starts fondling Gregory*

Gregory: *blushes; moans*

Crissy: *takes pictures*

Kyle: So, when are they supposed to stop?

Crissy: Why are you suddenly takin such an interest in dis, Kyle?

Kyle: N-no reason… *blushes*

Crissy: Mm-hm… They're gonna stop in about another… 25 seconds.

Christophe: *continues to grope Gregory; starts to reach for his shovel*

Crissy: I wish you would. If it wasn't fo meh, all of you would still have to masturbate to get _anywhere _near what I've managed to do for you all in the last few days. And even then, it wouldn't be real. You guys would be miserable without meh.

Everyone: …

Crissy: Exactly. Now, leave Shovel-y where he is or I take him away.

Christophe: *growls slightly; leaves his shovel in place*

Crissy: *smiles evilly*

_**About 20 seconds later…**_

Crissy: Alright you two. You're done. And Christophe, to make sure you stop, I gots soapy water in the water bottle this time. You'll be squeaky clean when I'm done with you.

Christophe: *instantly comes off of Gregory with an almost fearful expression* Non, non!

Crissy: *smiles* Good boy. And that's the end of this round. Before I'm done, I just wanna say that I am willing to do some dares too~!

Stan: Please, God, no! She'll kill us all!

Crissy: *gives off a very Russia/Ivan-ish creeper smile* See ya next time!


	5. Fucking in a Church? Awesome

Crissy: Next round is in session, so hurry up and finish eatin' so we can read da letters!

Kyle: Oh, please, God, let her have not gotten a dare. Please, please, please…

Crissy: Oh, quit yer bitchin'! We haven't even gotten through all da ones from chapter two, let alone chapter 3! Don't get your panties in a bunch!

Kyle: *blushes; glares*

_**About a minute later…**_

Crissy: So, let me see… who're we missing?

Stan: Cartman.

Crissy: Oh, well, if we wait for him, we'll be waiting until next Sunday, so… we'll just go ahead and get the letters, which have already been retrieved by Ze Mole. _Merci_, Christophe.

Christophe: Ze pleasure ees all mine~ *smirk*

Crissy: *giggle*

Token: *growls slightly*

Crissy: Alright, let's see… The first letter is from… _SweetSinister _and she writes…

_THIS CHAPTER. I LOVE IT. You Gotta Get Some Of My Dares and Truths ;D [[Warning involves Kyman]]This is for Kyle: Dare- Dress up in whatever Cartman wants you to and... Meh, have s*x in the closet with him. Im horrible, I know. Truth- Do you secretly have a b*ner for Cartman?... This is for Wendy: Dare- Watch Kyle and Stan make out for 10 mins right in front of you. Truth- Do you hate Kyle for stealing your sexy man? XDCartman's Turn!: Dare- Masturbate to a picture of Kyle... NEKKID. Truth- Do you have sexy feelings for Kaaahhhll?:3 That's All.. FOR NOW XD_

… Well, ain't this just awkward. Looks like we do need fatass.

Kyle: Oh, hell naw!

Stan: Dude, you've been hanging around her too long…

Kyle: I'm not going to be fucked by fatass! Ew!

Crissy: Hey, look, I find it kinda… weird too. Cuz, sometimes, all I see are you guys in your chile forms and when I try to imagine you and Cartman fuckin', all I see are fat rolls and jelly doughnuts…

Everyone: Ew…

Crissy: Yeah. But, a dare's a dare. So, someone other than me go get fatass so we can get started.

Heidi: I-I'll get him…

Crissy: … 'Kay.

Heidi: *stands up; takes deep breath* HEY CARTMAN! WE HAVE KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN IN HERE!

Cartman: *runs into the room* KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN? WHERE?

Crissy: Nowhere, fatass. Thank you Heidi.

Heidi: *smiles*

Cartman: No… KFC?

Crissy: Um, no. But, you do have a dare. And truth.

Cartman: I don't give a damn! I want mah KFC!

Crissy: Well, we don't have KFC. I'm not broke, which I should be, but I just don't like to eat it all the time. I just had some a couple days ago.

Cartman: An' you didn't give meh some?

Crissy: Every time you come over, you eat me out of house and home. Especially if I have KFC. So, whatever. What do you want Kyle to dress up in?

Cartman: Wha?

Crissy: Little Kylie got a dare dat said he has ta dress up in whateva ya want 'im to. And he has ta have sex with you in da closet.

Cartman: *grins*

Kyle: *shudders*

Crissy: But, we should probably have him do da easiest thing first, den the hardest thing, den the easier thing… So, Kyle, your truth wuz do you have a boner for Cartm-

Kyle: Fuck you, and him! I only have a boner for one person and it ain't fatass!

Stan: Dude, seriously.

Kyle: Sorry. Her way of talking is just so easy, though…

Crissy: :T Okay, so you answered dat purty quickly… Now, onto the hardest part. You and Eric gotta get it on in the closet… I should probably make you do it in Wendy's closet, since I hate her.

Stan: *snickers*

Kyle: Why can't I dress up first?

Crissy: I'm doing you two favors here. Cuz, the dare says nothing about you bein' able to put clothes back on. Would you really like to sit hea naked?

Kyle: *blushes* No…

Crissy: And the other one would be gettin' the 'having sex wit fatass' part out the way quicker. Cuz the longer you wait, the more you'll have to complain about. An' I don't wanna hear it…

Kyle: *growls* Fine… C'mon fatass. Let's go in da closet.

Stan: Dude.

Kyle: Sorry.

Cartman: …Just so you gahs know, I'm totes down wit dis.

Kyle: *shocked expression* Ew!

Cartman: Meh… *pushes Kyle in the closet; goes inside; closes door with a scary gleam in his eyes*

Crissy: Wow…

_**About five minutes later…**_

*Kyle and Cartman come out the closet; Kyle doesn't have his hat and looks… exhausted; Cartman looks satisfied and… sweaty*

Crissy: What da hell happened in der? I thought sex was a bit longer den… *checks watch* 5 minutes.

Kyle: Apparently… wait a minute, how could you not hear us in there?

Crissy: Well, for one, I have a whole lot of things in dat closet. And… well, they must've absorbed your screams. I guess.

Kyle: *confused look* …Anyway, apparently, Cartman already had a boner, and like, after a whole lot of touching and getting inside me for a while, he lost it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get cum out my ass. *starts going upstairs*

Crissy: Don't take too long. You still have to dress up for Eric.

Kyle: *growls*

Crissy: So, Cartman, while he's gone, you can decide what you want him to wear when he gets back.

Cartman: Oh, I have a good ideah anyway…

_**About ten minutes later…**_

*Kyle comes back downstairs*

Crissy: Finally! I can't wait to see you in what Cartman picked out!

Kyle: Oh dear God, please don't let it be a skirt…

Crissy: It's not.

Kyle: Thank you…

Crissy: It's a _mini_skirt.

Kyle: FUCK!

Crissy: Much like mine, actually. Basically, Cartman gave you a school girl outfit to wear. But, I don't have any school girl skirts, so you'll have to borrow one of my jean ones. I only have a school girl jacket and dress shirt cuz I wore dat fo mah auntie funeral. I wonder if it'll fit you though, since you don't have big boobies like I do…

Kyle: Just taking dat into account, I probably won't.

Kenny: Hey, Crissy. What cup size are you, anyway?

Crissy: 44DD. And I'll tell you, they are a lot ta work wit.

Kenny: I bet they are… *licks lips*

Crissy: Just know, unless I get a dare stating such, you'll never be able to touch'em.

Kyle: I don't wanna be a school girl, goddammit!

Crissy: Well, I'm sorry, but a dare's a dare.

Kyle: Gah!

Crissy: Just get in da damn outfit. You'll only be wearin' it for da rest of dis round. Quit bein' so prissy.

Kyle: *takes outfit from a grinning Cartman; grumbles as he goes back up the stairs*

_**Ten minutes later…**_

*Kyle comes back wearing a navy jean miniskirt and a school-girl-ish top and jacket*

Crissy: Wow. I guess you can fit it, Kylie.

Kyle: Yeah, well it took a lot.

Crissy: Whatever, sit down so we can get to da nex dare…

Kyle: *sits down; grumbles*

Crissy: Let's see… da next dare is for Wendy. So… somebody grab her from da closet.

Kyle: Didn't you make her kill herself?

Crissy: Well, yeah, but they'll probably be a lot of hate/love dares and truths for her, so she'll just keep coming back. Kinda like Kenny, except… Kenny's hot.

Kenny: *grins* Thanks.

Crissy: You're welcome.

Token: *growls*

Crissy: Sorry, Token. Although, I hope you know… I'd much rather be with you. *blushes*

Token: *smiles*

Cartman: Spear-chuckah moments are so nahce…

Token: Goddammit! I fuckin' hate you! *jumps Cartman again*

Crissy: *smiles* So, Red, would you go get Wendy?

Red: Why do I have to get her? I thought Bebe and Heidi were your golden retrievers.

Crissy: They're takin' a break in dis round. So quit yer bitchin and go get 'er.

Red: *huffs; goes to get Wendy*

*A shrill screech is heard a few moments later; Wendy comes into the room just as angry as the first time; Red comes back after her with a very swollen black eye*

Red: This is why I fuckin hated you, Wendy…

Wendy: Shut the fuck up, Red! At least you weren't tied up and put in a GODDAMN CLOEST!

Crissy: Oh, hush. Like you didn't like it in der…

Wendy: I didn-!

Crissy: Anyway, yeah, you got another dare. And you got a truth too.

Wendy: Do any of them involve me killing myself?

Crissy: No.

Wendy: Well, then, what are they?

Crissy: I'll get you through the easy part first. Do you hate Kyle fo' stealin' yo smexy man?

Wendy: I hope he fucking burns in the deepest pits of HELL!

Kyle: Hey! I didn't _steal _anyone! Stan left yo sorry ass cuz you's a crazy bitch!

Stan: Crissy, you broke Kyle's vocabulary beyond repair…

Crissy: Ey, I told you guys dat might happen when you hang out wit meh…

Wendy: *gasp* Why you-!

*Wendy jumps Kyle; catfight starts*

Damien: … I got ten bucks says Kyle wins.

Crissy: I'll take a piece o' dat action!

Token: Me too.

Clyde: Meh, I'm going wit Wendy.

Cartman: I gots 50 cents on da Jew!

_**45 seconds later…**_

*Kyle sits with a satisfied look on his face and a few scratches; Wendy sits all huffy with a black eye and some parts of her hair tore out*

Crissy: *grins at the money I just got from Clyde* Alright, now that you guys have gotten that out of the way, Wendy gots to watch Stanny and Kylie make out for ten minutes.

Wendy: But I don't wanna!

Kyle: Too bad, bitch! Now pay close attention! *grabs Stan's collar and pulls him into a tongue battle*

Stan: *surprised at Kyle's behavior; proceeds to win tongue battle*

Crissy: Wow… I wuz not expecting Kyle to just steal my line like dat… *slowly raises camera; takes picture*

_**Ten minutes later…**_

Wendy: *sobbing but keeping her eyes on the two*

Stan and Kyle: *on the floor with Stan on top sticking their tongues down each other's throats*

Crissy: *still taking pictures* You guys have ta stop now… Don't make me get da water bottle…

Stan: *breaks kiss* Yeah… maybe we should stop…

Kyle: We'll… pick it up later…

Crissy: *waits until Stan and Kyle pull up their pants and sit back down* Alright Cartman. You have to do your truth and dare and den we can move on…

Cartman: Wha?

Crissy: Look, answer the truth first, okay?

Cartman: Bleh!

Crissy: :T … Kay? Your truth wuz… do you have sexah feelins fo' Kylie~?

Kyle: Ew!

Cartman: Yeah.

Kyle: EW!

Crissy: Weird… Why?

Cartman: Meh, he may be a Jew, but he has more curves than most of the girls at school.

Crissy: True, true…

Cartman: And I know if I say it, I'll make Stan insanely jealous and Kyle insanely grossed out, which means I'm causing both of them a whole lot of stress and confusion. Something I love to do.

Crissy: … That makes so much sense…

Cartman: Now, onto da dare.

Crissy: … The dare wuz you have to jack off to a nekkid pic of Kylie.

Kyle: Of which you don't have! And I refuse to make one for him!

Crissy: …You underestimate meh! I've taken nekkid pics of you b-fo…

Kyle: *angry, wildfire blush* _WHAT? WHEN?_

Crissy: Those tiny seconds Stan was off you when he said 'I wanna see you touch yourself, baby…' from chapter four… I can't believe you actually did it either.

Kyle: W-well… I-

Crissy: And, speaking of chapter four~ we need to check on your mom. It's been 24 hours! *runs over to computer*

Kyle: Oh, God, what's happening?

Crissy: …

Kyle: What's happening?

Crissy: …You're mom totes watched the whole thing… and it looks like she's tryin to watch it again…

Token: No way, really?

Crissy: As real as it can get, Token…

Kyle: Oh, God… what have you done to my mother…?

Stan: I think we broke her a little.

Crissy: Aw well. She needed to be broken a bit anyway.

Everyone except Kyle: True, true…

Kyle: Fuck…

Crissy: … Welp! I'll just go and upload this shit load of pictures onto mah computer and print out da one of a nekkid Kylie for Eric.

Cartman: Bitch I told yah not ta cahl meh dat!

Crissy: And I told you not ta call meh a bitch no mo', didn't I? *shoots with paintball gun*

Cartman: *now has big, painful, purple splatter mark on his forehead* SHIT GODDAMMIT MOTHER FUCKER!

Crissy: Yeah, can't talk shit to me _now_, can ya?

Cartman: SHIT DAMMIT FUCK!

Crissy: *evil grin; snaps fingers and Cartman's pain is gone, along with the splatter mark*

Cartman: *sighs* Gibson, dat hurt like a bitch…

Crissy: And now, you'll remember not to mess wit da author. _Right_?

Cartman: Yeah… now gimme da nekkid pic of Kahl.

Kyle: *lurches*

Crissy: Oh, whatever. At least he's not jizzing to da real you. Jus a picture.

Kyle: It still makes me wanna puke…

Crissy: :T … Okay, I'mma go print out da picture… *goes upstairs*

_**About 5 minutes later…**_

Crissy: Alright, Eric-

Cartman: It's-

Crissy: *glares; pulls out paintball gun*

Cartman: *gulp* N-neva mind…

Crissy: Thank you. Now, I gots the picture for you.

Cartman: Sweet!

Crissy: Now, go… masturbate wit it… er something…

Cartman: Wit pleasuh!

Crissy: Uh… huh…

Cartman: *takes picture; unzips his pants; starts-*

Crissy: OH DEAR GOD, I CAN'T LOOK! *covers eyes in a desperate attempt to rid self of image* KILL THE VISUAL JESUS KILL THE VISUAL!

Kyle: *goes to barf*

Stan: *follows right after him*

Kenny: *derp face*

Butters: *watching Bradley*

Bradley: *chewing his nails; blushing*

Christophe: *polishes shovel*

Gregory: *waits; follows after Kyle and Stan*

Craig: *flipping us off*

Tweek: JESUS MAKE IT STOP! GAH!

_**About 45 seconds later…**_

*Cartman's jizz is on his hand and on my floor; Tweek is spazzing out; Kyle went upstairs to barf; everyone else is avoiding Cartman at all costs*

Crissy: Muthafucka, you betta pay fo mah flo! Jesus! I should've gave yo ass a condom o' some shit!

Cartman: Fuck you…

Crissy: *takes paintball gun; shoots him in the dick*

Cartman: SUNUVABITCH! *grabs his nuts*

Crissy: Bitch, I told you. Don't fuck wit meh. _Especially _not after jizzin' all ova mah goddamn flo.

Cartman: *wails in pain*

Crissy: Alright, I do believe- Wait a minute… didn't I have Bradley in here too?

Butters: Y-yeah…

Crissy: Did he leave or somethin? I don't sees him no more…

Butters: H-he went up to y-your room, mumbling b-biblical phrases…

Crissy: … Okey dokey, den, it's time to open another letter. And it's from~ _Alice in yoailand _and she writes

_WOOHOO YOAI! any way this idea of yours was great! heres my dare!*evil smile o doom*_

_DAMIEN I DARE YOU TO F**K PIP SIX WAYS TA' SUNDAY IN THE HOUSE OF GOD!_

I wish I knew where you guys lived so I could just… hug you guys for making my life so awesome…

Damien: *evil grin*

Pip: Wh-what? I-I can't possibly do that! That's a sin!

Damien: Hey, a dare's a dare, blondie.

Crissy: Right. Thank you, Damien.

Damien: Hey, no problem. I've been trying to fuck Pip in the church house since the day I came back to this hick town.

Pip: *gasp* Damien! *blush*

Damien: *smirk*

Crissy: To the church house we go! *snaps fingers and we all poof to… whatever the name of their church is* Now, let's get on to the part where Damien is fucking little Pippy, shall we?

Damien: *pins Pip down to a church pew* Oh yeah, I'm gonna enjoy fuckin this little Brit…

Pip: W-wait! W-we can't! We're in the house of God!

Damien: *scoffs; pushes Pip into a pew and makes his pants disappear to some God-forsaken place in Hell* You think I care about that?

Pip: D-Damien…!

Damien: Now… which way should we try first…?

Crissy: *stands about three feet away with a video camera* Hey, if I could make a suggestion, I would say primary position first, and then get a little more extreme with each way after that.

Damien: Excellent suggestion… *licks his lips*

Pip: Pl-please, Damien…!

*Damien kisses Pip full on and the sex marathon begins!*

_**And now at this time, I will list the various positions they used :D**_

_**1) Primary**_

_**2) Cowgirl**_

_**3) Reverse Cowgirl**_

_**4) Butterfly**_

_**5) Doggie Style**_

_**6) Exotic**_

_**7) Upside Down**_

_**8) Sixty-Nine…**_

_**HEY WAIT A SECOND!**_

Crissy: *turns to Kenny, not noticing her massive nosebleed dripping down her face* Weren't they only supposed to do six?

Kenny: *has his own nosebleed* Yeah. She said _six_ ways to Sunday.

Crissy: Oh wait, to Sunday?

Kenny: Uh-huh…

Damien and Pip: *still heavily going at it*

Crissy: :T … What day is it?

Kenny: Tuesday.

Crissy: :T Well, I can't let them keep going for that long… It'll kill poor little Pippers… No matter how much he's enjoying it-

Pip: OH YES! HARDER, DAMIEN, HARDER!

Damien: THAT'S RIGHT PIP, SAY MY NAME! SAY IT LOUDER!

Pip: DAMIEN!

Crissy: Oh my God… w-well, maybe just a l-little bit longer…

Bebe: *on the brink of having her third nosebleed* I will fucking pay you to keep these two going!

Crissy: … How much we talkin?

_**Another hour later…**_

*Damien and Pip have came several times; Bebe and Kenny and everyone else have passed out from several nosebleeds; I am still video taping the whole thing and losing pints of blood every minute and a half*

Crissy: O-okay you guys… You have to stop now… or else I'll get the Holy Water for Damien again…

Damien: *slows down at the mention of Holy Water*

Pip: *while upside down* Please, just once more…?

Crissy: … Kay.

_**Another ten minutes…**_

*Damien and Pip cum for the last time; Damien brings back Pip's pants.*

Crissy: Okay… time to go home. *snaps fingers and everyone's back at my house* Okay so, since just about everyone's unconscious from lack of blood, I'll just stop the chapter here. Besides, it was getting a little long anyway. See ya next time!

Damien: Wanna fuck while we're taking a break?

Pip: Damien, don't say things like that… And yes I would.

Crissy: *slowly lifts video camera* I fuckin love this story…


	6. Apology

Sorry peoples, as this is not an actual chapter, but apparently some editing needs to take place before I can continue anyway. Due to a review I have recently received, I need to edit the chapters I've written because the way I've written them is against the rules of . So, the next chapter will be put on a… longer hold. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!


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